Redemptive Souls Renew
by Rosel
Summary: Alex and Owen meet while Alex is trying to start over and Owen is trying to get over his regiment drug addiction.
1. Alone

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Nikita **

Owen sat there staring at his regiment half way through done. He had stayed on the regiment telling himself he would go off of them easily. He had told Nikita he needed time alone to figure things out and to get off the regiment on his own. It was true he did. He couldn't put this on someone else. He had to do this on his own. He had hurt so many people and he had to face what he did. He had to watch himself to see that he didn't go overboard. He avoided people and crowds and stayed in as much as possible trying to find a way to improve to face his sins and to not be dependent on the regiment. It was easier said than done. He tried to lower the dosages and going off easily but that didn't last long. Headaches came and then the shakes and then he went back going over and over all of the drawing that symbolized all of his kills. He went over and over newspaper clippings and any sign of the families of his victims. He didn't have to use the black box to face them. He could see them and help them in some way. He knew it wouldn't make up for what he did but it could be a start. He saw their faces every day. They haunted him every day. Their cold dead faces looked up at him and shivered and said, "You did this."

The regiment helped. It helped him forget, but he didn't want to forget. He deserved this. He had to feel it. He could no longer hide from his sins. It would be so easy to take the regiment and forget about his quest. He could just take them like he had been and he could let himself ignore the guilt, the pain, and he could forget and let it numb all of the pain. He could let it distract him but he couldn't do that. He owed it to Emily, Daniel, and everyone else death he was responsible for to keep on going to fight through this and to feel the pain and the guilt and find a way to seek some sort of redemption. He had to find and face the families and loved ones at some point.

So he looked at the pills and he put them away and he decided that he had to just go cold turkey. He could do this. He had endurance. He locked himself in his apartment and made sure he wasn't around anyone he tore down the newspaper clippings and he got ready to face this. He had to face it alone.

XXX

Alex put on her quant café waitress uniform on and put the Alexis name tag on. She looked at her self and fixed herself up in perfect detail to be this regular struggling girl who took a waitress job to pay the bills. It was nice honest work. No espionage, no seducing, and no killing. She was no longer a Division agent, she was no longer a Mole, she was no longer Nikita's protégé', or Michael's recruit, or Nathan's girlfriend. She was now Alexis; simple waitress trying to start over on her own.

She was all ready for Nikita and Michael to help her fake her death so she could walk in the sunset and not let revenge consume her. Then she realized Nathan was a Division agent under cover sent by Amanda. She was all alone. And she was fine with that really. Nikita always under estimated her. She loved the girl like a sister like a mother even but she wouldn't stop coddling her. She was always so protective of her. She never wanted her to be the mole. Alex knew she always wanted Michael for that. Every chance Nikita got she tried to take her out. In the end she wanted it too but then everything imploded and it didn't look like Michael and Nikita's plan would work. It hurt her so much to even think about. They still were her family but she couldn't stand waiting for them to make everything better. She was capable of taking care of herself and she would prove it to them. So she faked her death and ran to Europe. She found the crowds and found the fake ID's and reinvented herself again. This time this fresh start would be real and she would do it all on her own. She would show them that she didn't need to be protected. She didn't need to be coddled she could do this and start all over and she could do it alone.

XXX

Owen lied there on the floor sweat trickled all over his body. Sweat soaked his hair and he shacked in cold chills. He had withstood the piercing head aches and the pain and he had with stood the obsessive urges and now he was in too much pain to obsess over anything. He had to keep on reminding himself that you feel pain before you can get better. It's how we heal. He had to repeat it over and over like a mantra. Everything became so blurry and fuzzy and all he could think about was the pain, the aches in his body, the spasm, the rush of hot and cold sweats.

He tried to hold onto anything. He tried to remember his determination. He tried to remember the faces and why he was doing this. He tried to concentrate on anything but the pain was to strong and everything faded. He crawled on the cracked hardwood floor to get to regiment. He needed them, the pain would stop. He could come off of it easy. He'd just needed his hit. He needed to think clearly. It was all he could think about was for the blurred pain to go away and he could be in focus and in control.

He crawled to his hiding place and got the regiment frantically. As he fumbled he dropped the pills and then suddenly he heard noses someone was picking his lock. Really? Now? He proceeded for the pills. The shabby looking teenage guy with hoodies looked like a total junkie. Their eyes were bloodshot and they were on edge. They had a gun were carrying it all wrong. If he had his strength he wouldn't have a problem with disarming him and kicking the punk's ass. Everything was still so fuzzy and he knew what he looked like. He looked like a strung out junkie trying for his next hit.

He tried fighting the punk kid off but he was so far gone. He knew it. He barely could move. He hated this. He needed his drugs with the regiment he could kick this punks ass and then some. He couldn't let this punk kid get away with this. The kid had ran out with the drugs like a kid on Christmas. Owen crawled on the floor and breathed deeply and tried to mutter all of the strength he could to stand. And stumbled slowly and held onto the wall as he very slowly chased after this guy. He hated this. He couldn't wait until he got his regiment and got his control back and show this punk kid a thing or two.

When he finally managed to get to the alley he saw the kid hassling some girl. Oh great. Now he really needed to kick this kid's ass now. He breathed heavily and took deep strenuous breaths and tried to mutter all of the strength he had left.

The girl tried to ignore him and block him and then the punk kept on going at her pressuring her and tempting her with drugs promising her a good time. Owen focused on the girl.

She had brown hair, slender, trying to hunch over putting her hands in the pockets of her trench coat, giving the world a vibe of leave me the hell alone. He then was about to proceed and took all he could to set this guy straight and kick his ass and save the damsel in distress.

Then the girl took his arm and twisted it in his back and proceeded to beat the kid until he ran away crying. Owen was impressed and slightly relieved he didn't have to interfere. He wasn't quite sure if he could. The kid left the drugs behind. He could just wait for her to leave and get them and he could get his strength back and feel in control again. Then the silly girl decided to take the whole bag of pills and put it in her purse. Great. This was just getting better. He kept on breathing in and out taking all of the strength he could mutter and follow the girl home. He could be subtle. He didn't want to attack the girl and just steal them back. One, his strength was too weak and two the less human interaction the better. So he followed her to her apartment and would wait for her to leave hoping she would leave the drugs there. Soon he could feel that sweet release and the pain would go away and this girl will help weather she realizes it or not.


	2. Pay It Forward

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Nikita**

Owen waited stealthy across the street watching this girl apartment waiting for her to leave. His body still felt antsy and on edge and he felt the aches and the pains but waiting and paying attention to each person as they came and went gave him a little more focus and watching the shadow of her through the beige curtain sheets helped him to concentrate on something. It gave him focus and purpose. Although his heart still pound in his chest a mile a minute and he still could feel the hot and cold sweats. Looking up at her waiting for her took a little bit of the edge off.

He tried going over the plan over and over in his head as he waited for her to leave. She would leave and he would climb the balcony and pick the lock of the window and search for the drugs and leave the place like he was never there. All he could do was hope that she didn't keep the drugs in her purse.

He had sat down hunched over against the old worn out brick building when his drifting eyes caught sight of her leaving her apartment with her purse firmly in hand. He gathered his strength to get up and as managed to cross the street he still caught sight of her walking down the street. She had stopped to give a homeless guy a sandwich and then she smiled and went on her way. Who was this girl Owen wondered. He had a mission a set plan to bring forth. He always worked in missions and plans even after Division. It was how he knew how to operate. But now he was about to deviate from his plan and he didn't know why. He followed the girl.

She worked at a quaint dinner as a waitress. She smiled and greeted people and for some reason he knew, she was playing a part. Her lips pressed gently and she had stillness about her as she took things on delicately. He knew most people were polite and it was part of their job but this was different somehow. He noticed something was different about her. She looked like a girl playing a part instead of a girl living her life. Most people wouldn't have noticed but he wasn't most people. It was his job for so long to notice things. As a cleaner he had watched people. He had watched agents and as they acted and have played a part. It was his job to bring them down when they weren't playing their part. He was sent because they were suspected of being disloyal and he would come for recognizance before the kill. Owen shrugged as he put his hoody on his head and sat in a booth trying to look non conspicuous. He just watched her. He watched as she leaned against the counter taking orders.

She glanced towards him and he immediately put his head down hoping she didn't notice he was staring. He had to operate in missions and plans so his new mission was to watch her and see if she had the drugs. That was his mission. That is why he was here for. He needed them to feel in control. He needed them to function and then so he could come off of them easy and then he could continue with his mission for redemption and find the families of loved ones he killed. That was the ultimate overarching mission and he would accomplish it by watching her.

He watched as she pulled a strand of her wavy light brown hair behind her ear softly as she looked at the order with procession. Her face was soft and yet worn, he saw experience there for such a young face. He saw it in her eye. He saw a lot in her. She intrigued him. There was something about her. Or it could be the drugs and the overly obsessive side effects were coming in.

He held on to the table holding onto the edge. He needed to focus on the mission and focus on this girl he had to. The pain was still there in the back in his head and he shook and shivered. He knew he had to keep himself in check or he would start to put attention to himself. He still looked at her as she went to the cook and called out the orders as she put up the ticket so the cook could see it he saw the back of her head her hair was put up neatly in a ponytail and he saw a butterfly tattoo surround the back of her neck. He felt the air escape from him. Everything choked up and all of the guilt and pain and unbelievable unbearable regret came flooding to him. He saw his own purple butterfly tattoo and then he saw all of Emily's butterfly sculptures and saw her smiling face while she was making them. She told him that she loved butterflies because they were so graceful and free they could fly away. She wanted that kind of freedom but she could never had it. She was always so confined because of her kidney failer. She had to go on dilias, it made her limited, but it didn't stop her from dreaming. She dreamt of flying away and being free. She dreamed of them traveling to Europe and going to Paris. They dreamed of back packing through Europe. He wouldn't let himself dream with her for so long until he finally let himself give in.

The room spun. The aches and pain came to the surface. What he would have given to be able to protect her. To change things and now he was left with the overpowering feeling of guilt. He did this to her. He took her chance to get better from her. He failed to protect her. He failed and now he was giving again. Everything came to the surface. The physical the pain. The deep seeded aches in his chest, stomach, and legs. His head aches tore at him and the whole room spun uncontrollably. Whatever his focus whatever his mission was it left him. There was nothing but the pain he ran out of the restaurant.

People passed by him. Everyone was a blur of fragmented colors. Everything turned into disoriented shapes. All of the colors molded until they turned purple and until the purple became the butterfly. All he saw the butterfly. Then he saw Emily's face, "You did this."

Then everything went blank.

Alex had the strangest feeling that she was being followed. All night last night she felt like she was being watched. She used the tricks that Nikita taught her and moved around after she picked up the bag of drugs. She finally got home and she scoped around her and all she saw was a homeless man across the street in a hoodie. He looked completely weak and down cast. She wanted to reach out and help him. But she knew helping a strange man she didn't know was the smartes thing in the world. She liked to help but she knew how to be smart about it, being a former street kid herself, she knew a thing a two about it and she knew how to survive.

When she went home she saw the bags of the drugs. They looked like some kind of designer pills. They weren't run of the meal street drugs made in some kids basement. She was going to throw them down the toilet. She was about to, but something stopped her. She hoped it wasn't her inner junkie.

As she got up in the mourning she saw that the homeless guy was still on the corner sleeping. She went and got some food it was the least she could do. As she went out and turned to the street he was gone. Oh well she passed another homeless man and gave him the sandwich instead.

As she walked that creeping feeling came back again. That feeling of being followed. She didn't dare look back. She tried to see by looking at the reflections of nearby windows. She saw the figure in the black hoodie. In the distance. He was still following her. He tried to be discrete stopping and trying to blend in the crowd.

She tried to ignore him. Maybe she could lose him when she went to work. She wasn't sure she keeps her distance and pay attention and then if he persisted she'd kick his ass. So she headed in the restaurant like nothing was wrong. She played it like an undercover operation. She focused on the role of waitress at the same time observe and gather information as she said with in character playing the part.

He came in the restaurant trying to blend keeping his hoody on. He was an obvious junky. There were bags under his eyes and his face glinted with sweat. He watched her trying to be discrete. She pretended she didn't notice and tried acting normal and got orders and pretended to look far off she only gave him a couple glances trying to hide her awareness of him. She tried to rack her brain thinking of strategies of handling her stalker. She wondered who he was and he followed her. He could be a number of threats but he appeared to be a junky. There could be more than that. He could just be playing an act. For all she knew he was a Division Agent and Percy had found her and sent this guy to kill her. He could be someone from Russia who found out about her father looking for ransom money. He could work for the sex trade market and be an associate of the man she killed. There were so many enemies.

After she took the orders of some guest and she put her order down she turned to see him agitated. He shook violently and then he ran out of there. She didn't know why she followed him. She should stay behind if he left and stayed gone he wasn't her problem before but the look on his face the panic the fear the guilt. She has seen the look before. She gave the look before. Her heart went out to him. She didn't even know him. He could be the enemy but in that moment she didn't care.

She ran after him and saw him running in the crowd. She yelled after him"Hey!"

He backed himself against a building close to an alley. He looked like he was running from something. She knew it wasn't her. He was seeing things. So he was a junkie going through delusions. Then she touched him and said, "Hey calm down. It's OK."

All he could say was, "Emily. I'm sorry."

Then he passed out.

Owen woke up in a strange place lying on a couch he wasn't familiar with he woke up in a cold sweat and felt extra moisture on his forehead. He realized there was a wash cloth on his forehead. He rubbed it and then the girl sat up from sitting on the opposite recliner.

"Easy, there buddy. It's supposed to help. You were burning up."

"Who are you? What am I doing here?"

"I'd ask you the same thing. You were the one who was following me. "

He gave her a side way glance and breathed in. Everything was coming back to him now and he remembered. He gave her a side way glance and said, "You got that huh?"

"Not, much gets pass me."

"So why did you bring me here if you knew I was following you?"

"I don't know. I guess I have difficulty throwing out strays. You passed out. I charmed some neighborhood guys to bring you up here and here we are. So do you want to tell me why you were following me?"

Owen rubbed his eyes and then he looked up at her and said, "What do you think?"

She pierced her lips, "Drugs? You know I have some?"

"It's not like that. They're mine. Some punk kid broke in my apartment and stole them and then you took them."

"Why didn't you just come up to me?"

"Are you kidding? I saw you're moves. I'm not exactly in my best shape right now and I figured I was just some strung out junkie."

"And you're not? You stalked me for drugs."

"IT's not… they're not your run of the mill street drugs. If you just hand them over, I'll be on my way."

"Like hell."

"Look sweet heart…"

"Don't call me sweet heart. I have a name. It's Alex."

Owen huffed and said, "Owen."

"Good, now why don't you get some rest. I'll get you some soup, the heat should help. It will suck for a while but the pain comes first and then we get better. It's how we heal."

He looked at her his eyes wide and then said, "What are you doing?"

"I know the signs you're going through withdrawals."

"But…"

"Look if you really didn't want to get off of them you'd be taking them and not going through these withdrawals. Believe me I know."

"You do?"

"I do."

"Why are you helping me? I could be a maniac for all you know."

"Someone helped me get through it. I'd probably be dying of an over dose if it weren't for her right now. So I'd like to pay it forward. And if you turn out to be a psycho path I'll just shoot you." Alex said with a crooked grin.

Owen couldn't help but laugh at this enigma she certainly was something else. He would like to get to know her more that is if he survives.


	3. Stay

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Nikita or any of its characters**

First she tried to give him soup from the can and then she realized even something as simple as that was beyond her domestic skills. So she would get him food from the dinner. The food was good, but she knew that there was a steady chance the withdrawals would make it hard to keep things down. It really was difficult. There were times Alex just wanted to give up. Owen shook and convulsed at one point he even got violent. She had to fight him and pin him to the ground to get him to calm down. She could tell he was experiencing the delusions again. She saw it in his eyes. His eyes gave off the glazed over cast look. She pinned him to the ground after he tried to tackle her trying to escape and rush out. He was still weak and she stood fierce. She knew given his full strength she probably wouldn't have had as an easy time pinning him down. She held on to his arms and told him to stay calm.

She didn't know why she was doing this. She wondered why she didn't just hand him over to a rehab or something. She didn't know him from Adam. She knew she wanted to help him. She felt bad for him and she saw a bit of herself in him. She had been there and Nikita had helped her out of it. She told him it was a pay it forward thing. She wanted to help him because Nikita helped her but saying it and doing it were two entirely different things. It was easy to say it. She wanted to help, her heart went out to him because she's been there but fighting him and sitting with him and cleaning after him, it wasn't something she ever had to do before. She was embarking new territory and she didn't know what she was doing. She remembered Irina and how she wanted help her get out of the sex slave life and to get her clean. She wanted to help her like Nikita helped her but she couldn't and now here she was on ground fighting with a convulsing stranger chanting "Emily" over and over again.

She laid him on the floor and got some pillows from the couch laying him there. Then she got a bowl of cold water and dabbed a wash cloth with water and put it on his fore head. She smoothed it on his head and said, "This should help."

His eyes flickered and he mumbled, "Emily, Emily. I'm sorry."

She cooed as she dabbed the cloth smoothly on his face and said, "Shhhhhh it's OK. I'm not Emily."

She knew he most likely was too far gone and he couldn't hear her but figured it was worth a shot to try to calm him down.

He then mumbled some more and then he barely whispered, "You're not."

"Alex, remember. I'm going to take care of you. I'm trying to get you clean and get through this."

His eyes fluttered and he started to relax.

Then Alex bit her lip and asked, "Whose Emily?"

She didn't think he'd respond he was really far gone and…

"My girlfriend, she's gone."

Alex held his hand and said, "I'm sorry."

He squeezed her hand back and, "So am I."

Then he drifted back into sleep.

Alex wasn't even going to bother trying to put him back on the couch so she got a blanket and covered him and then she put a pot right beside him, in case he had to throw up. She took the wash cloth and rinsed it out one more time and laid it on his fore head. She lightly caressed his forehead and then he was about to go to her own bed. Then she felt Owen pull her hand. She stared at it thinking of exit strategies. Then he said roughly, "Stay, please."

Alex bit her lip and thought about it. He was still very out of it and he probably wouldn't even notice if she left. He had been dangerous drifting in and out of his delusions and convulsing and at some point punching. She was able to handle him but while she was sleeping. She did need to get some sleep of her own. She had taken off that day but she needed to get back to work in the morning and she'd hope he'd be OK for a while.

His hand held on to her wrist and his thumb ran circles around the edges of her wrist. She looked down at his strong rough hands and her eyes lingered there. Then she heard his ruffled whisper again, "Stay please."

Alex gently took his hand off of hers and placed it on his chest. Then she went to bed room and got some blankets and pillows and she laid beside him on the floor. She laid a decent amount of space between them. Then he reached for her hand and took it with in his.

Then he whispered, "Thanks."

Then he went back to sleep. Alex held his strong hand within hers and tried to situate herself in a comfortable sleeping position. She had a feeling she would have a hard time sleeping and she didn't think it had anything to do with sleeping on the floor.

**A/N:** **So I really don't know a whole lot about withdrawal symptoms. And the regiment would probably be different and it gives me room to make stuff up. So hopefully that part of this is OK. **

**Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and alerts! It means a lot! **


	4. Marshmellow Fluff

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Nikita**

**A/N: It's been a while I'd like to thank my sis KJ who inspired me to get back into writing this. Love you sis!**

Alex woke up lying on Owen grey t-shirt covered chest. What was she doing lying on some strange man's chest? She lied on his grey t-shirt she saw some of his tattoos trickling out, they seemed to cover all over his chest. She tilted her head looking at them and then she saw a purple butterfly, it looked really out of place. She started to remember as she was waking up more and getting more coherent. She had brought this drug addict home to her apartment to get him clean. Not one of her smartest plans, she was sure of that. Alex knew that the smartest way and the safest way wasn't always the right way.

Alex tried to move but she realized his arm was around her holding on to her waist. Although the feeling of this clearly attractive man's arm around her wasn't exactly unpleasant, he was still basically a stranger and he had his delusions she did need to remain cautious around him. She tried to slowly and carefully untangle herself away from him.

As she tried to he squeezed at her pulling her closer. Alex took a deep breath and then nudged him. He then jolted up and his eyes went wide as he saw her. He quickly got on the defense and attacked her and put her in a choke hold. She quickly elbowed him and kicked him in the chin and then she pinned him on the wall.

He breathed out deeply. And then she looked at his eyes as the panic paranoid haze started to fade and he was starting to be aware of his surroundings.

"Oh, right."

"You done now?" Alex said her arms over his throat.

He blinked and barely whispered in a crackly voice, "Yeah."

Alex nodded and smiled confidently said, "Good. I'll get breakfast."

Owen breathed out walking around, feeling some of his strength return to him. At least he could walk without falling over that was progress. The past however long it was, was a blur of seeing this Alex girl and a whole lot of images of Emily and butterflies rolling around.

He saw this girl with her long brown bed hair in the small kitchen hopping on her tip toes and getting the wheat bread and then she reached to get what looked like mayonnaise. Was she making a ham sandwich or something for breakfast? Then he saw her get the knife and proceed to spread it on the wheat bread it wasn't mayonnaise it was fluffy. It was Marshmallow fluff. She took her finger and dug some out herself and then she proceeded to lick her finger edging her tongue thoroughly enjoying the Marshmallow fluff. Some of it fell on her lips and then she licked her lips.

Owen swallowed hard at the sight of this.

Then she asked innocently,

"Do you want some or would you rather I just go to the restaurant and get you something normal?"

"Nah, that looks good I like different." Owen said as he just licked his lips.

Alex smiled a wide smile and said, "Great. Then I think you'll love this."

She got some paper plates and spread a few more pieces of bread with Marshmallow fluff.

There wasn't a table she sat on the floor on the blanket they just sat on and motioned for him to come to sit by her.

Owen sat beside her immediately. He kind of was in awe by her. She had cute adorable sexiness to her that she wasn't even aware of which only made her sexier. He immediately brushed those thoughts away. She was helping him get clean and she looked to be a lot younger than him. Besides he had to concentrate on getting better and getting out and completing his redemptive mission.

He sat next to her watching her eating the Marshmallow fluff on wheat with pure pleasure. He decided it was prudent to not stare at this and take a bite himself, and concentrate on eating something solid.

Alex then looked at him and asked, "Do I need to get the pot? You haven't been able to keep down a lot of food before."

Owen took another bite of the sticky sweet delightful fluff and said, "Oddly enough I think this is what I needed."

"When in doubt rely on sugary goodness. I live on the stuff."

Owen looked her up and down and said, "Really? You don't look like you live on the stuff."

"Yeah, it's like one of the few benefits of being a former junky. It jump starts my metabolism."

"I can see that." He said as she scarfed down her third Marshmallow Fluff on wheat.

He gave her a crooked smile just before he finished his.

Then she wiped her face and said, "OK, I'm glad you're feeling better Owen. I know you're not completely out of the woods yet, but I need to get back to work…"

"You don't have to baby sit me. I'll be fine. Go."

"OK, just try not to die while I'm gone. Kay?"

"I'll try." He said flashing her a crooked smile his eyes penetrating her. She quickly got up ready to tackle her day.


End file.
